Hi everyone and welcome to part three of four of the tulpa interviews. We’re all very happy with all of your comments and questions and we hope you’ll continue to send them in. Thanks so much for all of it! If you missed the previous three interviews, [here] is the link to those. (that also includes the link to the first three interviews)

Tonight, I figured I’d interview our two resident mischief makers Steve and Bear. Now, if you’re new to our tulpa collective, I’d highly recommend reading the [Roll Call] topic first to familiarize yourself with them. (It has cute pictures!)

Steve’s interview

As I spied inwards into the inner worlds, I found Steve walking down a dirt road in Sherwood forest. The moon was up and there was a slightly icy breeze sneaking through the leaves of the trees. Steve stopped and looked back at Bear as she hissed, “Beah, what da HELL are ya doin’ up in dat tree?”

Bear, who as some of you know, is obsessed with honey grumbled back, “am smelling honey.“

Now, Bear has claws that he usually doesn’t like to show off, because he thinks that’s an aggressive stance. (I guess for bear body language, it might be? I’m no bear expert) So, seeing him use those to climb a tree, albeit slowly, is a rare sight. He was making a good effort until he got to a place where a piece of the bark was a bit loose and it flaked off, sending him tumbling down towards the ground. I materialized and caught him just in time.

He looked up at me, his eyes wide with fear, “Uhm. Fairy?” He said with surprise in his voice.

I smiled back down at him, “yeah Bear, did you two forget about our interview?”

Bear sneezed a bit, then looked up at me, “oh, yes, interview. Tonight?“

I nodded, “if you want to,” then I added, “if you two aren’t feeling it, we can do that next week instead.”

Steve, having run up to the tree when she saw Bear was, was still somewhat in shock as well, “sure Fairy, I think we’ve had justaboutaenough of tonite, haven’t we Beah?”

Bear nodded and a few minutes later, we had returned to the castle where we were sitting in [the kitchen], Bear with his tankard of ale, some honey cookies, and Steve with a bowl of beer and some diced-up bits of venison with herb seasoning.

After some back and forth, Steve volunteered to be interviewed first, however, she did state that she would make a snap decision on which questions to answer. (She’s a bit of a prude)

So, taking a sip of mineral water (with a small pinch of salt in it), to wet my whistle, I turned to Steve and asked the first question, “what’s the first thing you remember?”

“You mean like… evah?” She said questioningly.

“Yes, the first you ever remembered.”

“Eeerrr… dat’d be uh.. da apartment, an you and .. mam.”

(Editors note: Mam refers to my ex-girlfriend, who she considers her mother.)

“Want to elaborate on that?”

Steve looked a bit ponderous for a moment, before she added, “it’s a bit fuzzy, it wuz you and mam an me, and den da two of ya left like ya always did. Den there was a lot of time where nuthin’ happened at all, den Beah got… real I guess? Den we left ta find you guys.”

(Editor’s note: when my ex and I broke up, she stole the physical teddy bear that I had since I was a kid. Bear is the result of that teddy bear animating in my mind and becoming a tulpa. I never imagined the real-life version of my teddy talking, so seeing that creature based on Bear was incredible.)

I nodded, the story was very familiar to me, but I had to ask, “so, was it really like you said the first time I met you? Did Bear just.. turn from his teddy bear self on the shelf in my bedroom, and into what he is today and jump off the shelf? I’ve wondered over the years, it sounded a bit, too amazing.”

Bear, here, chimed in, “yes, I jumped off the shelf.“

Steve agreed, “yeh, he totally did, one minute, he was dis stuffed teddy rite, part of da scenery ya mite say, and den, BAM, fuckin’ Beah ya know? Scared da bloody fur offa me!”

“And then the both of you just decided to find me?”

Steve nodded, “yeh, ‘cept we didn’t know you an’ mam had gone ya separate ways ya know? Or dat ya had this big castle an’ all da other stuff too.”

(Editors note: The time elapsed between me and my ex’s breakup and their emergence was about six months.)

“Hmm, alright, I guess that’s fair enough. So, what was your first impression of everyone? At the time, I think Mech, Circe, Mirror, and Jane were in the picture.”

Steve used her hind paw to scratch her ear a bit. “Eerrrh, yeh, so Circe wuz like, real dark and stuff, dat dress was scary. Mech was, like some guy, just sitting there. Jane? She scared da bajesus outta me da first time I saw her, didn’t like her shades. Mirror, she was sweet, ya know, she knows just da place ta scratch ya ears rite?”

I took another sip of my glass, “Alright, let’s try something lighter, what’s your favorite color?”

“Eerrrr.. red maybe?” Steve said with an “I don’t fucking know” look on her face.

“What’s your favorite food/drink?”

“Well, it fukken AIN’T ya dam fijjah watah that ya sometimes serve me. But gotta agree, shit gets ya fur toasty! Well, maybe uhm… some of that sweet milk ya get sometimes? As fer eatin’, yer fried eggs on dat special bread is da fukken bomb!”

(Editors note: What she calls “fijjah watah” is what we normal people call vodka.)

I chuckled a bit, “So, what do you tend to do for fun?”

Steve shrugged, “well, maybe goin’ into some of da weirder worlds we got in ‘ere? Maybe? Fuckin’ with hunters in Sherwood Forest is always fun, especially dis time of year. Ya can fuck ’em fer several fukkin hours before dey give it up!”

At this, Bear raised his tankard, “fuck all hunters!“

I raised my hand, “wait! if you’re gonna toast, I insist on joining you, just a sec.”, and then I got up and pulled a light beer out of the fridge and cracked it open. Then I returned to my office and simultaneously reappeared in the kitchen in the inner world since I was using room imposition. (Think of it as having a room that exists both in your world and in the tulpas world at the same time.)

And then for a moment, we all toasted to it and took our various sips. (Bear drank three shots of gin.)

Then I resumed, “what do you tend to do for relaxation?”

Steve sighed a bit before she replied, “ya promise ya won’t .. fuck, I’m .. errrr.. ” she blushed a bit, and Bear chuckled at her, which made her regain her composure. “I sometimes go take a swim in da pool downstairs awrite?”

I leaned forward a bit, “so? why does that make you blush though? Everybody does that sometimes.”

She blushed even more, “I can kinda only float an Beah sez I look like a big furry… plate sorta.”

I looked sternly at Bear, “is this true?”

Bear nodded, smiling at me, “she floats around and around, like a snowflake. Looks funny.“

I shook my head at him, “and that’s coming from someone who’s got a phobia of water eh?”

Bear grumbled, “don’t have a phobia of water, just don’t like having my fur wet.“

My look turned even more skeptical, “oh fuck off with that, I installed a special fur-drier compartment down there last time you said that!”

Bear grumbled and drank a bit more from his beer.

I turned back to Steve, “so, why don’t you just swim?”

Steve blushed, “cos I kinda like feelin’ like a snowflake on da watah.”

I smiled at her, “that’s SO adorable!” And now I realized why she was so shy about it.

When Bear started chuckling, I closed his short snout shut with my fingers and said, “quiet you.”

I readied another question, “what do you tend to do for mental stimulation?”

“Out-foxin’ da huntah’s is always a game ya gotta keep winnin’”

“I’d ask you if you had a job or hobby, but I’m guessing doing that and ripping off dumb farmers is your whole thing hmm?”

“AY!” Steve exclaimed loudly, “we ain’t ripping off da farmah’s, we’re jez… errr… providin’ blessings fer their crops in exchange fer some… snacks.”

I scoffed, “you mean, their hard-earned food.”

Steve shrugged, “ain’t no food tastin’ bettah den da one ya steal.”

I shook my head, “fine, so what’s your greatest wish? If you could have anything?”

Steve smiled, “A world with da fukken dumbest farmahs and kingdoms an nobles dat believe anythin’ ya say, and all have good food, rite Beah?”

Bear looked back at her and gave her his version of a thumbs-up with a smile.

I nodded, “So, what’s your greatest fear?”

“Dat’s a hard one, maybe that you die one day? Cos den we all die rite?”

“Simple enough, what’s your most clearly defined positive memory?”

“Sorry Fairy, but it’s gotta be my mam, she wuz so brite ya know? Ya were happy an ya could see it in her face everytime da two of you were in da apartment. I really miss her.”

I took a deep breath as the memory of those days was tough on me. I recomposed myself, “Alright, what’s your most clearly defined negative memory?”

Steve answered almost immediately, “dat nite when me and Beah got separated in City 08 an’ I got sprayed with dat toxin, I had no idea wat ta do about anythin’ I wuz hopin’ he’d come back ya know?”

(Editors note: It’s a very long story, but Bear got kidnapped in City 08 and ended up in the lab of an ultra-advanced pharma company, who were planning on running invasive tests on him. I’ll upload the story someday on the blog.)

I moved on quickly, knowing the subject was touchy for her, “so, what endears you to a person immediately?”

She grinned, “if dey give a good snack without too much trouble.”

I chuckled, “what makes you avoid a person immediately?”

“Guns, da bigger, da faster I run da otha way yeh?”

“OK brainiest question: what’s your take on your status of being a tulpa, or tulpamancy as a phenomenon?”

“Dat wat and wut now?” Steve said, scrunching up her snout a bit.

I repeated the question again and now I could see she was thinking it over. Then she replied, “I never really thought about dat whole ‘bein in yer head thing’ cos, dat’s how it’s always been fer me. Since the day I saw both you and mam, dat’s been it. It’s natural rite?”

“And tulpamancy?”

“I dunno, ya mite as well be askin’ me about breathin’ rite?”

I nodded, “I guess that makes sense from your perspective. Also, that was the last of the official questions. Wanna go for the second part with adult questions?”

“Aaah fuck,” Steve said as she tried to hide a bit under the edge of the table.

Bear chuckled as he always does when she’s embarrassed. He was clearly enjoying it.

Then she steeled herself and looked up at me with a determined expression, “ya know what? Beah’s thinkin’ Imma chicken out, well, FAT CHANCE BEAHFART!”

I shrugged and smiled, “fine with me.” I leaned in closer, “so, easy first question, what really pisses you off?”

“Beah, when he’s being an ass about me havin’ fukken STANDARDS!”

Bear grumbled a bit and bit into another honey cake.

My smile became a bit wider, “what’s your sexual orientation?”

“Up.. down?” She tried, and then said, “I dun get it.”

I suddenly felt a bit awkward, “err, do you… like female foxes or male ones or both? Or something else?”

Steve snorted, “easy, male ones. But only once a year right?”

I looked at her in surprise, “what, only once a year? Really?”

She nodded, “yeh, breedin’ season, either ya do it, or ya go fukken nuts.”

I tilted my head to the side, “but only ONCE a year? For the whole year?”

Steve kept nodding, “yeh, all I need really. Rest of the year, dey can be as fukken horny as they want, all dey’ll get outta me is a bite in their ass!”

“I guess that answers the question about favorite position and scenario too right?”

Steve blushed a bit, “yeh, kinda, it just happens, ya don’t think about it, ya just do, den it’s ovah.”

“Alright, curve ball: have you ever killed someone in the inner world?”

She shook her head, “nah.”

“The year before last year, you died during Xmas via falling from the flying castle, do you want to talk about that?”

“Err, what’s dere ta talk about? I took on a dumb challenge an’ failed, den I fell and zoomed my dumb ass inta da ground at fukken terminal speed. I went splat.”

“Yes, but, how did you feel? What was going through your head when it happened?”

Steve shrugged, “basically ‘oh fuck’ an’ den AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Until I hit da ground ya know? Rite and den when I came back as a ghost, I was so fukken embarrassed everyone was watchin’ me and knowing I screwed up.”

“Alright, last question, when was the last time you got into a fight in the inner world?”

“With Beah or anyone else?” Steve replied.

“I’m imagining you two get into fights every day, so tell me about someone who wasn’t Bear.”

“Rite, last Xmas party, da birds were bein’ prissy jerks and I pulled one of ’em down, da black one an’ told him he looked tasty. Never got any beak from ’em after dat!”

I raised my eyebrow, “what were they doing?”

“Throwin’ food at me and laughin’,'” she replied with a sullen voice.

My face grew stern. “I’m going to have to have a talk with those two featherheads about how to act like a gentlemen…,” then I smiled at her “well, that’s all she wrote, you’re done and you answered ALL the questions! Thank you so much.”

Steve smiled, “hey, ya gave us food an’ snacks, worth if if ya ask me.”

Bear nodded and gave us his toothy grin before he emptied his beer stein. “Yes. Thank you.“

And with that, we adjourned for the evening as it had gotten pretty late.

Bear’s interview

The morning after, I decided to wake them both in the best way I knew, by making an omelet. The only thing those two love more than crisply fried eggs is an omelet with cheese in it. So, I took my time IRL to beat four eggs into a nice wash, tossed in some dill, black pepper and salt, and a dash of cayenne. As the smell of the omelet wafted into their den, both of them wasted no time in coming out of their hidey-hole.

(Editor’s note: My IRL kitchen shares smells with the castle kitchen in the inner world. I implemented this function precisely for this reason. Although sometimes I smell things in my kitchen coming from the inner world as well.)

After breakfast was concluded, we were all sitting down, lazily sipping our various beverages in silence. I nodded toward Bear, “so, feeling up for that interview now?”

He nodded, “yes.“

“What’s the first thing you remember?”

His gaze turned inward for a bit, and then he looked at me, “you were crying, being alone. Then you hugged me, and you were alright.“

While we haven’t talked about it a lot, Bear seemingly has memories from when he was just a stuffed plushie, whether or not that’s extrapolation from my own memories is undecided, but the fact remains that if that’s the reality, then he’s the oldest tulpa in a way.

I smiled at him, “well, with you, I was OK back then, you know, I really hated that babysitter mom would drop me off at.”

Bear nodded, “yes, but fuzzy though. Can’t see her face.“

“Yes, that’s the oldest memories coming in. I was very young back then, so that’s natural for none of us to remember it.” I then continued, “what was your first impression of everyone?”

Bear took a sip of his beer and thought for a bit, “I think Circe was big, Mech was… hmm, strange. You, I remembered, then also Jane, and Steve,” here he frowned a bit, “didn’t like Jeanette when she threatened Steve. Made me think bad things about her.“

“What’s your favorite color?” I said, moving it all along.

“Blue, like the sky.“

“What’s your favorite food/drink?”

“Hrrrrm… food…,” then he perked up, “eggs! Fried eggs, always good,” then he paused and looked down into his beer mug as if seeking inspiration, “good beer? booze? Thor’s booze!“

“Good answers, but how about honey?”

His eyes widened and he nodded eagerly, “yes! Honey, honey cakes, honey bread, honey tea, all good!” Then he looked at me with a smile, “may I have some cookies?“

I laughed and tapped the table, and a small plate of honey cookies appeared, Bear wasted no time sinking his fangs into one, chewing and grinning.

“Mmm, really good, thank you,” he said between bites.

“What do you tend to do for fun?”

“Exploring with Steve,” he said without a moment’s hesitation.

“And what do you do to relax?”

Bear stopped chewing for a bit, then looked up at me and smiled as he lifted up a cookie, “eat good honey things! And also sleep, bed is so soft, love it.” Clearly indicating his little bed in the den.

(Editor’s note: Bear’s bed is actually a very small human-styled bed, behind the bed is a window showing the view outside where you can see the lands floating past as the castle flies to wherever it’s going)

“So, what do you tend to do for mental stimulation? Games? Chess?”

Bear sighed, having finished the tray, he burped after a while, “jigsaw puzzles are fun, but also fooling hunters in the forest. They’re really dumb you know?“

“OK, let’s go with some abstract questions here, what’s your greatest wish?”

Bear scratched his furred face with one of his claws a bit, before he answered, “for everyone to be nice maybe?“

I nodded, “and what’s your greatest fear then?”

He grumbled, “to be in a cage like before. To never see anyone again.“

(Editor’s note: This refers to the same event in City 08 that Steve described earlier.)

“What’s your most positive memory?”

He grinned, “seeing you again.“

I smiled, “and the most negative one?”

“seeing you cry.”

“You mean as a child?” I said, wondering if there was a specific memory for him.

“Don’t want to talk about it. It was bad,” he said with a finality to his voice.

I shrugged, “right next one, what endears you to a person immediately?”

“Good hugs,” Bear replied with a bit of a smile creeping back onto his face.

“And what makes you avoid someone?”

“If they smell evil.“

I did a double take, “how do you smell evil? What does it smell like?”

Bear shrugged, accidentally spilling some beer onto the table, he grunted in dissatisfaction. I handed him some paper towels and he dried it off before sitting down again.

“Sorry.“

I waved my hand dismissively, “don’t worry, but, you haven’t answered my question.”

“Evil smells like, hrrm, evil. Dark, smelly, evil, I dunno,” he said with an apologetic expression on his face, then he lifted his tankard to drink and realized there was also a small pool of beer beneath it. He grunted and got the ball of tissue and dried that off before he drank from the tankard again.

“So, long question: what’s your take on your status of being a tulpa, or tulpamancy as a phenomenon?”

Bear sat quietly for a while, you could almost see the proverbial gears turning in his head, then he nodded to himself, “I guess it feels… good?” He ventured, not really sure what to answer.

“And your thoughts on the whole thing where people create beings like you?”

He smiled, “that’s good, more people need tulpas to help them.“

After this, we all took a small break while Bear headed off to the bathroom to relieve himself, Steve, having sat silent for most of the interview, perked up, and called him an asshole for reminding her that she needed to go too. A while later, I saw Bear waddling in again, climbing up the chair and onto the table where he sat down again. Steve quietly followed and jumped up onto the chair.

“OK, so you know about the adult questions already, do you want to answer them?”

Bear nodded, ”yes, am not going to blush like Steve,” as he looked back at her with a teasing grin on his face.

“Ah shaddap!” Steve retorted as she blushed a bit, which only made Bear laugh, “yer an asshole sometimes Beah, A big, FARTIN’ ASS!”

This of course made both me and Bear start laughing and for a long while we just sat there while Steve kept getting more and more embarrassed. After some wiping of tears and recomposing ourselves again, I got down to it.

“What makes you really angry at someone? Not just annoyed, really, really angry.”

Bear’s face hardened a bit, “bad people, who kill and hurt for fun. Like hunters. Or people like Jeanette.“

“What’s your sexual orientation? “

Bear looked at me and sighed, “sex, don’t know. Never felt like it. Never found someone to do it with, no idea.”

“OK, let’s skip the sex situation thing, then, have you ever killed someone in the inner world?”

Bear shook his head, “never, don’t like violence you know?“

“Have you ever gotten into a physical fight with someone?”

He scratched his head a bit, “does punching Steve on the nose count?“

“Did she punch back?” I said with a smile.

He sighed, “no, but she’d been very stupid. She had it coming.“

Steve perked up behind him and nodded, “yeh, I remember dat one, I wuz stupid yeh.”

I looked past Bear at her, “mind filling us in on what it was about?”

Steve made a face which made Bear chuckle, then she said, “well, dere wuz that one time I mite have tried ta steal bread offa da sheriffs table when dey had this banquet in da town hall. Almost got my ass caught an’ Beah and me were running fer our lives ya know?”

Bear grunted, “so stupid, you promised, never again.“

Steve held up her paw, “paw across my heart, with da wind on my face, I sweah Beah, nevah again!”

He nodded, “good, won’t have to punch again then,” he said with a satisfied smile on his face.

I grinned back at them, “well you guys, that concludes the questions for the both of you. Thank you both again for taking the time to answer these. I know a lot of people out there in my world have been waiting for me to get around to interviewing you. “

Bear smiled, “what is it humans say?” then he perked up, “ask me anything!“

“Oh, don’t worry, I’ll forward questions anyone might have to you both immediately as they come in,” I said, still smiling. Then I added, “but I can see on both of your faces that you’re so drowsy, anything else you two want before you head off to bed again?”

Bear shook his head as he sighed and patted his furry stomach, “nope, am full.“

Steve added, “same ere, thanks for da grub, Fairy!”

Bear nodded, “yes, yes, thank you!“

We then left it off there as they both crawled back into their den. As the last sounds of them had faded, I remained in the kitchen, sipping the rest of my beer, and looked at the sunlight streaming in through the windows. This had gone a lot better than I’d hoped. I smiled as I faded from the macrocosm.

Charlie’s interview

It took some finagling to set up the interview with Charlie since the night I’d called him, he was engaged in celebrating a memorial of sorts. I asked, and of course he mentioned that it was private. We set Sunday as the day to conduct the interview as on Monday (when most of you will be actually reading this) there was the influx of the summer guests coming in.

Some brief history of the macrocosm: It was created as simply a dark hotel, with Lovecraftian vibes, all me and Circe wanted was to have a nice gloomy evening in a luxurious hotel somewhere on some island. And that’s exactly what we got, and more. The island is home to a multitude of religious orders, with all kinds of moralities in those. There is also the grey order, which keeps most of them in check. Colleen was part of that order and was originally spying on Charlie, who, hilariously was precisely there to spy on that order himself. (My subconscious has a wry sense of humor)

The era is around the 1930s, this world has cast off the oppression of ancient eldritch gods way back longer than anyone can remember. Of course, the orders do, some worship the sealed gods, and others prevent them from entering our world. The gods, despite being sealed away, still manage to influence the world and as such, they’ve already gone through both WW1 and WW2 as a result. There’s magic as a result, but most people don’t know about it. Charlie, being a spy from the UK, had been stationed there after the last war, to find out if there was any way to weaponize that magic since the Nazis definitely dipped into that during WW2.

While I was finishing up my own late dinner, Charlie was making sure we had the dining room of the hotel to ourselves. And he was doing that by bribing one of the guests, named Mrs. Tubman to leave. He was promising the old lady a special dessert being delivered to her room.

I smiled as I materialized in the quaintly gloomy dining room. The hotel itself was an old thing, completely black and built on a cliff face facing the ocean. So, the view from the dining room windows was of the sea a few hundred meters below us. Quite the scenery as always.

As I sat down in my chair, I saw that Charlie had arranged for a dinner for the both of us. The plates looked inviting, some sort of steak with what I suspected was an assortment of fried vegetables and a thick gray gravy of sorts. There was even a piece of bread by the side. All of it was served with a nice blood-red wine.

I lifted my glass and said, “to absent friends,” and clinked it against his. Then we both took a long sip together.

“Sir, I hope you won’t mind me partaking in a spot of dinner while we conduct the interview?” Charlie said indicating both our plates.

I nodded, “absolutely no problem, I just wish I had to time to both type in my world and eat in yours. But I’ll have a sampling of this anyway,” I said as I grasped my utensils and tasted the food in front of me.

It was perfect to put it mildly, the root vegetables, picked early in the season according to Charlie, were fried just so, retaining their crispiness, but without being too hard to chew. The sauce was a strange thing, zesty, yet herbal. As for the steak, it was itself was a marvel, incredibly juicy and medium rare. When it came to the wine, it was deep in flavor, complimenting the whole thing.

I smiled at him, “you really went all out on this one.”

Charlie, having just swallowed a mouthful, chuckled a bit as he sipped his wine, “Sir, this is what we tend to serve to our guests here, I assure you, we have much fancier things on the menu, should you care to visit us sometime.”

I nodded, “yes, yes, I know, I shouldn’t be as much of a stranger as I already am, but you know the last years and all that.”

“Indeed Sir, I was merely jesting.”

“Alright, let’s get on with the interview, if you don’t want to answer a specific question, that’s entirely OK, everything is voluntary. As always, only my world will ever see this document, so you can assume that it’s entirely confidential as far as your world goes.”

He looked at me with serious expression on his face, “I fully understand Sir, and will hold you to that promise.”

“What’s the first thing you remember in your life?”

“Hm, living out in the country with my parents. Times were tough and we had to make do with what we had back then. Sometimes food would be scarce, and my siblings and I would help out with chores as much as we could manage.”

“Can you tell us something about your family? Maybe something about your siblings?”

“With respect to my siblings, I shan’t delve into their personal details, but suffice to say, we had a good relationship.”

“Had? You don’t see eye-to-eye today?” I said, wondering wildly who these siblings might be as he’d only briefly alluded to them before.

“They’re… not with us anymore Sir,” Charlie said with a somewhat strained tone of voice.

“Oh, I’m deeply sorry if I reopened any old wounds.”

Charlie shook his head, “you couldn’t have known, besides, is it not the role of an interviewer to at least ask?”

“So, do you want to tell us something about your parents?”

Charlie took another bite of his food, seemingly contemplating something, then washed it with some wine, “my father was an old army colonel. When he would be home, he would expect us all to behave, to fall in line as it were. While I looked forward to his return, some of my siblings did not. However, at times when his need for discipline grew too imposing on us, our mother would always correct him and remind him that we were not in fact, his recruits.”

“And how is it now? Are they both still alive? Do you still have a relationship with them?”

He smiled, “indeed Sir, I go home for a few weeks every year to visit them. They’re both retired and well off on my father’s pension. There was talk at point of selling the house, but my mother wouldn’t have it. She’s always been rather determined that we keep the old house.”

“Maybe one day I could go and see them with you?” I said, wondering about how they were.

Charlie chuckled, “oh I’m afraid that would be out of the question Sir. Both of them would immediately sense there was something amiss with you. Pardon me saying so Sir, but you’re rather obviously not from our time and place.”

I sighed because I knew he was right. One of the things that immediately told me that Charlie was not just another NPC in this macrocosm was the fact that he’d been almost immediately asking extremely probing questions about me and Circe. We’d found ourselves scrambling to make up a somewhat convincing backstory on the spot. Of course, he’d seen right through that, being a spy and all.

“Alright, let’s move on then, what was your first impression of everyone?”

Charlie took another bite and washed it down with some more wine, “I remember thinking I’d gone mad, to be honest. It was rather strange, one moment, there were you and Circe, who were both suspicious people. Then Mech and Jane showed up as well. Both equally perplexing and seemingly of a place far, far away from ours. Naturally, once I found out about all of you, it all fell into place. But I’ll have you know Sir; I was compiling a report on all of you as potential German spies.”

I laughed, “oh man, I don’t blame you, we’re not the most subtle people, are we?”

“Well, you’ve all gotten somewhat better at it, under my tutelage of course,” Charlie replied with a sardonic smile. Then he added, “although, there is very little to be done about certain people.”

“And who would those people be?”

He leaned forward, “it’d be ungentlemanly to say Sir, I hope you understand,” as he winked at me.

“So, some lighter questions then: What’s your favorite color?”

He sipped his wine, “difficult to say, Sir, I think the color should match the mood and situation.”

“What’s your favorite food and drink?”

“I do enjoy the local gin we manufacture here on the island; it seemingly gets better with every year. As for food, I would say that any freshly caught fish will do, once it sizzles over a nice campfire. And of course, let us not forget about tea, which can put a golden shine to any dreary afternoon!”

“What do you do for fun?”

“I do like to explore the countryside every now and then. Then there’s also the myriads of shops at this time of year, once the seasonal goods come in. And of course, I do enjoy my work.”

I nodded, “And what do you do for relaxation?”

“A good shot of gin and a cup of tea with some biscuits is all I need in the evenings Sir. That and a good book, preferably something with a nice plot to it.”

I raised an eyebrow, “I didn’t figure you for a reader, what kind of books do you read?”

He smiled, “mostly old period dramas, I have a guilty pleasure in those. And the odd romance novel, but I find myself increasingly at a loss of finding good ones. Some of them… well, they have a bit too much uhm… erotic things in them, if I may say so myself.”

“Wow, in my world, it’s basically a cultural joke that people tend to read romance novels precisely for the softcore pornographic portions.”

“Really? How strange. But what is this softcore? No wait, perhaps I shouldn’t inquire about such things.”

“To put it neutrally, while softcore things are what you’d call blatant erotica, hardcore is well, practically the same as if one was a voyeur, watching others engage in those kinds of things.”

Charlie frowned, “while I’m not surprised about your world having such things, it is still bothersome to think that my world would someday end up in that manner. What of the -” and here he sighed, stopped himself, and took a sip of wine, “I shan’t rant Sir, but you know my views on the subject.”

I nodded, Charlie is one of my tulpas that prefers not to discuss sex in the open, as he finds it extremely crude of a thing to do. So, I respect his wishes just the same as my other tulpas. He’s also one of my tulpas who hasn’t really delved into my memories as most tend to do because he finds it a violation of privacy.

“So, what do you tend to do for mental stimulation?” I said, as I took a small piece of bread from the basket and used it to mop up some of the grey sauce before I chewed on it.

“Well Sir, I do enjoy the classic board games, chess, and the like. I also enjoy the weekly Herald’s crossword puzzle. Although I must say that after the old constructor of them resigned, they haven’t been quite as challenging.”

“So, tell us about your job, as some of my readers know, you’re the manager of this hotel now.”

Charlie nodded, “well Sir, it’s a day-to-day job with a lot of things to do and manage and oversee and so on. I do like to be in the thick of it, so when I’m not doing the dreary parts of management, I tend to assist where I can. Mind you, I never knew that employee management was as tough as it was before you appointed me to head that up. But of course, there’s the maintenance, the tax declarations, the monthly payouts, and the balancing of the books. Oh, it never does end. But I wouldn’t have it any other way, because now in my position, I can ensure that we all work in a fair and honest workplace. And of course, then there’s my second job, as uhm… well, you know. I won’t talk about that in the open, but that also carries with it a lot of responsibility.”

“How do you manage all of this? I mean, that’s a lot for any one person to handle.”

He shrugged, “I’ve entertained the idea of hiring an assistant or two, or perhaps put someone in charge of one of the more challenging tasks in the hotel, I just haven’t had the time to go through a recruiting process. But, at the same time, I do like to be on top of things.”

“Well, if you ever need me to help out with any of that, just let me know. I’m sure that between you and me, we could easily find someone that’d do an honest day’s job with that.”

“Perhaps after the summer season has passed Sir,” Charlie said as he’d finished up his plate.

“OK, moving on, since your job takes up a lot of your time, do you have any time left for hobbies?”

Charlie sighed a bit, “you know Sir, I was very much thinking of resuming my old hobby of building models of old ships. I was thinking something in the likes of Queen Anne’s Revenge, it’d go wonderfully well in a display, wouldn’t you agree?”

(Editor’s note: Queen Anne’s Revenge is an old legendary pirate ship.)

“Oh definitely, especially since this island has always had a proud smuggler tradition, hasn’t it?” I said, wondering just how many pirates set sail from this place back in the day.

He nodded, “Quite correct Sir, while records are spotty at best, some of the locals have some rather fantastic stories about pirate captains not only having their base here, but also burying tons of treasures out in the moors. Most likely made up of course. But sometimes I do wonder if there is some sort of pirate treasure, just waiting to be found somewhere.”

I sipped my wine for a bit. “Let’s move on with some abstract questions, what’s your greatest wish?”

“To have our world free of the influence of the sealed gods,” Charlie said after a moment of pondering.

“And I guess that also answers the worst fear then?”

“Yes, this world would become a nightmare made flesh, should even one of them make its way back here past the seals.”

“What’s your most fond memory?”

Charlie smiled, “difficult to say Sir, perhaps it’s some of my childhood, maybe it was when I met Cassandra, or my youth, when I spent a lot of years with a woman named Sally.”

(Editor’s note: Cassandra was an ancient magic practitioner who has been part of some of our adventures. And when I say ancient, I say she was hundreds of years old when we met her.)

“Let’s flip this coin upside down: What’s your most negative memory?”

“Again, I find it difficult to select any particular memory. The funerals of my siblings? The war certainly had its fair share of bad memories. I try not to dwell on them too much.”

“What makes you like a person immediately?”

“I’m not really the type to let my first judgment determine how I feel about someone. I try my best to stay neutral and objective. Occupational hazard, I’m sure you understand.”

“OK, so here’s a big one: What’s your take on your status of being a tulpa, or tulpamancy as a phenomenon?”

He sipped his wine and grew quiet for a moment. “well, discovering that I was, in fact in someone else’s mind was rather unsettling at first. Was I a real person? Was my world even real? My memories, were they real? There are a lot of philosophical questions there, some of which I have no answers to even today. When it comes to this phenomenon of tulpas, it is not unknown to me in a sense, while other such entities exist in the local magical community, they’re more tools towards an end purpose rather than companions that stay with you for life. I do find it rather fascinating, but I’m far too busy to devote any significant time to dive into it.”

I nodded, “I suppose so, I never knew your duties here at the hotel took up so much of your time. And again, remind me this winter to help you get a good assistant or two, alright?”

“Of course, Sir. Let’s just wait until there is a lull between the seasons and then we’ll get right on it. I do have a few candidates in mind.”

I drained the last of the wine and set down the glass. “well, unless you want to do the more adult questions, I guess this concludes our interview.”

Charlie held up his hands in an apologetic gesture, “like I said earlier when we discussed this yesterday, I humbly decline to answer those, they are far too personal for me to discuss with anyone.”

“Don’t worry about it, your interview was just as good without them. Thank you so much for taking the time to do this. And also, this was an incredible dinner!”

“You’re welcome Sir, we should take the time to have a cuppa every now and again. There are some other things we should discuss,” he said with a small smile.

And with that, we wrapped up the third interview for this edition. I hope you all enjoyed reading all of them. Next week’s edition will be the final one where I interview Jeanette, Colleen and the enigmatic Mrs. Teacher. Stay tuned!

As always, your scribe

Wondrous Fairy