Hi everyone and welcome to the fourth and final installment of the tulpa interviews. If you’re wondering who these tulpas are, I suggest you start with the [Roll Call] post on this blog. (It still has cute pictures!)

As you’ve no doubt noticed, this last sequence of interviews only contains two tulpas as opposed to the usual three. This is because the interview with Jeanette was so NSFW and so NSFL, in addition to being extremely triggering, that I’m not going to post that on any social media. So, if you really want to read that complete failure of an interview, just head to the [Front Page] and you’ll see what I mean.

This interview is only marked NSFW because we’re discussing sex, so there’s nothing too upsetting in here. But yeah, if you go into the Jeanette interview, be prepared for epic asshattery.

Mrs. Teacher’s (Laria) interview

After arranging a good time for the interview, I met with Laria in her Mediterranean-style house. Imagine a decently sized two-story house with those simplistic white painted smooth walls that you’ll find in that area in our world. Simple roofing, windows that are more or less constantly open to the elements, because there’s rarely any rain and the temperature is really decent.

Her kitchen was a small closed-off area, with dark green tiling on the floor, a roughly hewn carpet on the floor, a simple wooden table, and a couple of chairs. As I sat down, I noticed that she’d brewed her signature tea blend, Earl Grey with a pinch of rosemary from her garden.

“So, I guess it’ll be a while before that’s finished brewing?” I said, looking expectantly at the cups and the steaming pot.

She sat down opposite me, and doled out a couple of rice cakes between our plates, then opened a small box of something that looked like cream cheese.

“Certainly, I’d say another six minutes perhaps?” She said while smiling.

As always, I was struck by how she, a sort of plant-like being, had a gentle shimmer around her like the moon. To her kind, that’s a natural symbiosis between the fluids they have instead of blood, and luminescent micro-organisms. “I guess I’ll start with the first question then, what is the first thing you can remember when coming to awareness?”

She steadied her hand against her chin and briefly drummed her fingers against her cheek, then she straightened up again. “You were playing the game where my character originated from. I remember you were helping others achieve something tricky and at the same time, you were being me, after a fashion. I heard one of your thoughts about what to say, and without knowing how, I spoke to you. But it wasn’t quite like speech, more of me, influencing you on what to say. Then I saw you tell the others in the game the same thing. For the rest of that evening, I was with you, but you weren’t truly aware of me. Then again, I wasn’t aware yet that I was a self, it was a very strange experience being you and me at the same time. When I faded as you stopped playing, I felt pleased. I felt content with simply being me.”

“I see, and that evening when you fully emerged, how did that feel?”

Laria let out a small sigh, “I can’t really say when or where I became more me than I was you, or if there ever was a you-me-us gestalt, but I remember sadness at seeing one of my comrades fall in battle.” Then after a while of silence, she gently lifted the lid of the tea pot and sniffed its contents, “ah, our brew is finished!” And then she filled both the small brown clay cups with her special blend.

I sipped it and it was as if you’d distilled tea into a hyper-potent brew. I set down the cup immediately and coughed a bit, “wow that’s… that’s a really strong tea.”

She nodded excitedly and indicated what I thought had been candle holders made out of the same clay. “You sip it slowly and when it cools down, you simply place your cup here and reheat it. Over time, it really allows for the flavors to bloom properly.”

I coughed a bit more and managed a nod, “I’ll have to be very careful with that. My tea is just one-and-done when it comes to brewing.”

“Yes, that’s usually what works with most darker blends, but I’ve found that this one definitely benefits from the act of repeated heating cycles.”

“Alright, let’s continue: what was your first impression of everyone?”

She scratched her nose with one of her long white nails, and a small part of it flaked off. She caught it mid-air and folded it into her napkin. “Terribly sorry, could you repeat that question again? It’s shedding season and I’m afraid my bark is rather brittle this year.”

I repeated the question and studied her for a bit, and she was right, in some places, her external white bark was showing some darker areas where it was flaking off.

“Oh, you were all a rather motley crew, strange large women, and even larger men, then short devious ones, some animals, and well you know, the one who stood out by not looking like anything special, but the only one I knew.”

“OK, some shorter questions: what’s your favorite color?”

She sipped her tea, then set down the cup and leaned forward a bit, “you think I’m going to answer green aren’t you?”

“No, I was thinking black,” I replied, wondering where she was going with it.

“Oh you know, most people have terrible misconceptions about my kind. Yes, we stem from the mother tree, no, we’re not all peace-loving happy druids, and a lot of us are more dangerous than your kind could ever be. But no, you’re wrong, my favorite color is gold, the more reflective and shiny it gets, the more it sets my core aflutter.”

(Editor’s note: Laria’s kind don’t really have hearts, although they have a central cavity of sorts in their chests where their “blood” passes through.)

“What’s your favorite food and drink?”

She smiled angelically, “a strong cup of coffee in the morning always makes my day. Tea for the afternoon and in the evening, blood of course is always a nice strong alternative. For food? Hmm, whatever they do serve at the market square as the daily special. Dark fishes from the volcanic regions, maybe some bovine meat from the steppes? Oh, the plethora of things is something I cherish every day that I visit their corner of the city.”

“About that, you often mention your love for meat, but you do have a very big garden outside too. And blood, I didn’t know you liked that as a beverage. Mind telling us more?”

“Well, humanoid blood has a bitter tang to it, so I’m not too fussed about it being made illegal a decade or so back. But most of the smaller woodland animals, rabbits, squirrels, birds, and snakes, all have a special zest to them that makes enjoying it a sensuous experience. I indulge in blood, much the same way that your kind likes alcohol, in moderation and with great respect.”

“And vegetables?”

She nodded, “while those are less vital to my species, I do use them for decoration and flavoring, but no, I don’t particularly have a taste for most of them. Now herbs, on the other hand, I adore them and all their complex flavors.”

I took another sip of the strong tea and noticed it had grown colder, I set it on the holder next to me for a bit. “So, what do you do for fun?”

“Oh, lots of things, sometimes at the university, there are seminars and debates on specific subjects that I find interesting, other times I will go see a play or maybe a performance if a particular band I like is in town. And of course, I never get tired of exploring the city and just talking with people I encounter. But of course, nothing beats a good book in the evening!” Then she quickly took my small cup off the holder and set it on the coaster next to me. “Careful there, you almost overheated it!”

I leaned down to have a taste, but the heady fumes got into my eye and I felt it tear up almost immediately, I leaned away from it immediately. “That’s strong alright.”

She giggled, “I told you to keep an eye on it!”

After my eye had stopped finally watering, I continued, “what do you do to relax?”

“Some simple meditation, perhaps paying a visit to the mother, her words always soothe your soul no matter what hardships you might have. A good soak in some cold water is also reinvigorating.”

(Editor’s note: Laria’s kind doesn’t do warm showers, apparently it’s not very pleasant for their bodies, but icy cold showers are to them what a good warm shower is to us on a cold day.)

“Speaking of reinvigoration, what do you do to stimulate the old noggin?” I said as I pointed to my head.

“Between the debates and the scientific discussions, that definitely helps keep the mind sharp. Every once in a while though, I try out some puzzles that some more enterprising individuals might put together. Oh and, you do know that a certain boxed puzzle is soon to arrive this year? I know how much you like that.”

I smiled warmly at her and tapped my nose, “I haven’t forgotten about that, definitely not. But let’s move on.” And here I paused for a bit, “I know you teach at the local university, so I would assume you consider that your job. But, do you have any hobbies?”

She bit a bit into one of the rice crackers she had and chewed for a bit before she answered, “I would say being a teacher is my passion and my job and a hobby. I’m well off that I truly don’t need the golds it provides, but I do it out of a sense of community responsibility and the genuine will to help others see more of the world and themselves.”

I nodded, “alright, so here’s some more abstract questions: If you could have anything or do anything in the world, what would be your greatest wish?”

She grew still for a while, her bright grey eyes losing focus as she pondered the question, then she looked at me again and said, “there are a great number of things that should not have come to pass in our world. Perhaps the awakening of the great enemies of the past was a thing to be avoided? But then, would events have led to my kind emerging? Would the world have been better off without it ever happening?

No, I say, the greatest wish is to be what I am here today. Content with my life and the world around me. To know that even though there is evil, there is also good in equal measure, and that as long as we all strive to be better, we will become better with age.”

“And what is your greatest fear?”

“For entropy to win, to crush us all and grind us to dust. While death is the natural end to all things, something of the spirit must survive and grow. But, I fear a calamity sometimes that will wash over all of us like a black cloud, and leave nothing behind but dust and skeletons.”

“Is this something you’ve seen in a dream or a vision?” I said, knowing her kind had a sort of vaguely telepathic quality to them.

“Others have seen the same thing over the years, it lingers outside of the dreamscape, the mother will not speak of it, saying that it’s something we shouldn’t bother with, to treat it like a monster under your bed.”

“Does that happen very often? You all sharing dreams?”

“It’s less of a shared dream and more of a common theme, like what we have in your mind with our subconscious.”

I nodded, “ah, I call it meme transference, the commonality of a thought being translated across several individuals in a group.”

“That is an interesting idea, mind if I take a small break to write that down? I think that could be a great idea for a study or perhaps something more.”

“Of course, take your time, as you said, we’ve got all day here,” I said and took another sip of the tea and grimaced again.

As she was hauling up a small notebook on the table with a pencil, she nodded at my cup and smiled, “It’s a rather acquired taste, so don’t feel bad if you dislike it.” And then she took some time to write a bit in her journal, quietly moving her mouth as if she was speaking to herself. A few long minutes passed as she kept writing and scratching her head, and then writing something more.

I took the time to bite into one of the rice crackers, which was a lot crispier than I’d imagined. The cream cheese was more of a sort of butter, thick and heady with herbs and something slightly bitter. So I just sat there chewing as the minutes passed slowly.

After a moment, she peered up toward me and suddenly seemed to come back to reality as she closed the notebook with a resolute movement and pushed it aside. “I’m terribly sorry, but you know how it is, you get a thought that you simply must finish and then that spawns another thought, and so on.”

I smiled at her, “that’s fine, I definitely know how important it is to keep that chain flowing. On the topic of the mind, what is your most clearly defined positive memory?”

Her face brightened up a bit as she replied, “meeting the mother for the first time. To feel her love and to know that we all were a unity. Good and bad. To belong with those that understood me.”

“And your most vivid negative memory?”

“The senseless death of my friend. It served no purpose and he was wrested away from this plane far too early for my liking. It… darkens my thoughts when I think of it.”

“I remember that I could feel your emotions around that when it happened. But through his tragedy, you were finally your own self.”

Her voice was as fragile as newly formed ice as she replied, “I would have forgone myself to have him still with us.”

I took a deep breath and grasped her hand, “you’re not alone in that, we’ve all lost people over the years.”

She grasped mine in return and smiled wistfully, “true, life and death, the eternal cycle until the true end comes.”

“So, some lighter questions now: what qualities endear you to a person immediately?”

“The willingness to learn and the mind to do something with it. That’s why I like all my students you see, they’re not there to simply be taught, they’re curious and they want to know more about everything around us. It’s inspiring to see it in their eyes, and the questions and the insights. I learn as much from their reasoning as I do teaching my subjects.”

“And, what makes you avoid a person?”

“Brutishness and I don’t mean just plain physical prowess, I’m referring to minds that never strive to be anything but a raw, destructive force in the world. Even the most brilliantly evil mind can still hold something of value, but a thing that merely is content to destroy and revel in it is nothing that I care for at all.”

“Alright, academia time! What’s your take on your status of being a tulpa, and tulpamancy as a phenomenon?”

She chuckled, “Oh Fairy, you certainly saved the best one for last, nodding at my sheet.” Then she grew quiet again for a bit and then said, “I’m aware that I’m technically based on something that was part of a narrative, but in addition to that, you also created an additional, diverging narrative around my person.” She paused for a bit, “well… that’s very much a strange sort of creation. But knowing that you, yourself, didn’t even know that you were inadvertently creating me at the same time, makes it something that almost makes one think of destiny. Although I certainly do not believe in that principle. I’m thankful for what I am, and I’m thankful to our subconscious for bringing me to awareness. “

“Oh this isn’t even the last question, there’s the second part that I told you about too, but what are your thoughts on tulpamancy then?”

Her eyes glittered as she leaned forward excitedly, “it’s so fascinating, while there are constructs in my world, to have one’s mind be able to create and build upon a node such as that has some really interesting applications. Imagine if you could read the mind someday and manifest it in the world outside the mind, or perhaps do the opposite, transpose the mind into the inner worlds. Oh, the possibilities are endless, but I remain careful with my suggestions for experimentation on that subject. We do have those organizations that would love to have such a function available to them. I could of course discuss this for most of a day, but I digress, we should absolutely have dinner sometime and get a few of us together for a proper panel.”

I nodded, “I’d love that, I’ve got some people in mind that we could discuss this with. But, it’ll have to wait a bit, because next week is going to be extremely busy for me, so maybe the week after, or on the weekend? How’s your schedule?”

She picked up a smaller, black, leather-bound book and opened it up to this week, and showed it to me, it was basically a bunch of squares of differing colors. “My schedule is always full, so, just let me know when you can a few days before, and I’ll shift some things around, or perhaps just cancel a few things if need be.”

I whistled, “that looks anxiety-inducing to me, how do you manage all of that?”

She shrugged as she put the book away, “most of those things aren’t exactly mandatory, but they are things that I would like to see or do, or attend. I like having as many options as possible at my fingertips, a day without anything to do is a boring day if you ask me.”

I sipped the tea again and it had grown cold, so I put it back on the candle holder again. “That takes care of all the normal questions, ready for the adult ones?”

She smiled, and I could almost sense a hunger behind that smile, “of course, my heart is as open as a book!”

“What really pisses you off?”

“Rudeness of all forms, unless it’s part of a culture’s basic tenets. You have nothing to lose by being nice and gentle about things. So if you come at me like a boar in heat, I’ll treat you like one.”

“What’s your sexual orientation?”

She clapped her hands together in joy, “goodie! Identity and sex, this is one of my favorite subjects to discuss with my students. While my kind doesn’t really have the same needs as everyone else in terms of procreation, we still enjoy the sensual exchange and the rituals surrounding sex. Our apparent dimorphism into female and male is of course only an external shape, being able to regrow and alter our bodies, we aren’t really limited by any one specific gender or form. Sorry, I know, I have a habit of slipping into my teaching mode, but the simple answer is that I’ve sampled a lot of different culture’s ideas of sex and found them all interesting. I’ve of course also shared in the communion of my own species, you know of the “herbal baths” ceremonies?”

“Uh, no. I don’t think so. Tell us more about it!”

“The baths are held in most of our spiritual centers during the night of a full moon. If possible, we always strive to have that illuminate us, as the pale light reminds us of the mother. We have a special place constructed for it, which is filled with crystal clear and blessed waters. While we are open to having other species visit us and join in, most mammalian lifeforms tend to find the water uncomfortably cold. Although we’ve had some human northerner tribes come and enjoy the baths simply for that quality alone. It’s so fascinating how differences like that can shape a culture, don’t you think?” I barely had time to nod before she continued, “then we distribute the herbal essences and oils in the water which gives it that characteristic mist that wafts off it over the next few hours. Then as we all breathe and soak, we enjoy each other in the ways that each person prefers it. As we all settle in and start relaxing, there is a connection where it becomes a sort of spiritual, almost hallucinogenic effect where we all join together in an intimate connection as one being. It’s hard to describe it to someone who hasn’t partaken in it, but imagine a big crowd where you know everyone and everyone knows you, and you’re together in a blissful state, in harmony. While you might start feeling your own identity and experience your pleasure, in the end, you will be part of a cloud of sensations, all lingering, mingling, and enhancing each other. The sensations go from your own to zones and areas in the cloud that is you, all of you, and all of yourself and identity becomes muted. So in the end, you aren’t just yourself, but a lot of you’s feeling yourself and yourself and yourself and you all love it.

It’s been some time since I did it myself, but I know that to some outsiders, it changes their self to be more accepting. But it can also become an addiction to want to stop being yourself. To exist in a haze forever. Sorry if I rambled on a lot, but as I said, it’s rather hard to describe this to someone who hasn’t partaken in it.”

I rubbed my eyes a bit, leaned back, and took a bigger sip of the warm tea, I’d been so engrossed in the mental imagery that I hadn’t noticed her, again, taking my cup off the holder. The sharp flavor, almost burning like alcohol, brought me back to reality. I took a deep breath, “sorry, I kind of zoned out there for a moment, that was a very vivid description. Maybe someday I’ll go there and try that.”

She laughed and took a sip of her cup as well, “I think someone like you would definitely enjoy an experience like that. But, ” and here her voice grew a bit stern, “the decision to allow you inside is at the sole discretion of the keepers, a precaution if you will, to make sure everybody has a good time.”

I nodded, “I can understand that, but it sounds amazing,” I consulted my question sheet again, “OK, so here’s a bit of a darker question, have you ever killed anyone in the inner world?”

She nodded, her face losing some of its glow, “yes, I certainly have.”

“Do you want to share with us how that feels?”

She shook her head, “no, I believe that one should not condone killing, or discuss it as anything else than a terrible solution to an awful problem. There are several reasons why one sometimes must kill in my world, but that’s as far as I’ll go.”

“Last question: when was the last time you got into a fight in your world?”

“Let’s see, ” she tapped her finger against her forehead for a bit, “ah yes, the mud pits, there was a challenge for a particularly beautiful container of wine. I decided to sign up for it, I got as far as the second-tier trials before a man with muscles bigger than my head, wrested me into a knot!”

I made a face, “ouch, that sounds like it might have been painful.”

She laughed, “oh, by the mother, it was excruciating, but it sometimes helps to know one’s limits. I was cocky and nature taught me a lesson about underestimating my opponents.”

I smiled at her, “well, that concludes our interview, thank you so much for taking the time out of your busy schedule to do this. Especially now that I’ve seen your schedule too!”

She waved her hand dismissively, “think nothing of it Fairy, while I’m sure the lecture on fungi that grows in the volcanic areas might have been an interesting lecture I ….” And here she looked at her watch. “Oh! I can just make it if I hurry, please excuse me, but… we’re done here right?” She said, getting up and somehow managing to get all her books tucked away in a leather handbag that she closed.

I laughed, “yeah, we’re done, have fun!”

She smiled and leaned over and kissed my cheek and looked into my eyes, “never stop changing Fairy, you’re wonderful, see you!” and then she rushed out of the kitchen, leaving me alone with my cup of tea.

Chuckling to myself, I emptied my cup of tea and grimaced again, this was SO not my cup of tea. I smiled as I leaned forward and blew out the two candles before I faded from the kitchen.

Colleen’s interview

Later in the same Sunday evening, as Circe and I decided to have yesterday’s leftover chicken, we headed down into the castle kitchen and ran into Mech and Colleen. They’d just finished a meal of their own, consisting of boiled potatoes, thick, brown gravy, and juicy steaks. As a side, they had cubed carrots that had probably been boiled along with the potatoes.

Once we’d all finished our meals, we were all relaxing and I asked Colleen if she’d be willing to do her interview, to which she agreed. But, as she wanted to do it in private, we decided to retire to the little cottage she has on the island where she and Charlie hail from.

Since the light had begun to fade, the whole forested landscape around us was clothed in the dusk, and because I’ve been a City Person for the last few decades, I found myself slightly unnerved by the lack of light. The cottage itself was as it had always been, a quaint little house with a few windows and two stories. Anyone having traveled in the UK isles knows this beautiful, yet simplistic form of building a house. As we entered, it was cold and dark, but once Colleen got a few lamps going and the fireplace started up, things started feeling a bit more cozy.

“Could ya help me with these lad? They’re bloody heavy, I only bring them out fer guests ya kno?” Colleen said as she was pulling on a heavy chair.

In a short time, we had both chairs positioned in front of the small fireplace, and a table between them. As we settled in, I asked her if she had anything to drink that would warm us up, because I was shivering in the damp cold. She gave me a knowing smile and produced a big ornate bottle which went “THUMP” as she pulled the oversized cork out of it. Soon enough, we had two small glasses of plum brandy sitting on the table.

“Alright, first question, what’s the first thing you remember?” I said, sipping the brandy.

Instead of answering, Colleen got up and cursed to herself, “bloody fookin hell, this place is a damn tomb! Sec while I get us some blankets.”

And then for the next couple of minutes, she rummaged through a closet and pulled out two heavy-duty blankets that looked like some kind of army surplus stuff. She shook them off a bit and then tossed one to me as she sat down in her own chair after having wrapped herself in hers.

“Sorry, what were ya sayin’ lad?”

“What’s the first thing you remember?”

“Roight, hard ta say, maybe playin’ with me dolls as a choild? I got scattered images ya kno? Me mom, someplace outside, by the ocean. It’s very fragmented.”

“When you finally met everyone, having become a tulpa, what was your first impression of everyone?”

“Ach, ya couldn’t have saved that one fer later? Bloody arse question that,” and she sat still for a moment and then said, “honestly lad, it was a jumble, one minute, there was you, and Charlie, who I’d spied on fer bloody months. That guy knows how to keep people at a distance. Then you and Circe show up in the penthouse, and I’m tryin’ ta get a damn glimpse of ya, figurin’ you all fer accomplices of Charlie yeah?” She paused again, “ROIGHT! Yer fekkin spell ye put me through when I was doin’ me cat spell,” and here she laughed a bit, “didn’t see that one comin’ fer sure, but, you were bein’ nice and all. Then when ya teleported me home here, with a damn note stuck to me chest that said “DON’T” I fekkin listened. There’s magic and then there’s the shite you do.”

(Editor’s note: This is rather confusing for anyone who doesn’t know the history of the island. When I arrived first with Circe, we stuck out like a sore thumb until I invented the backstory that we were fabulously rich and eccentric. But, since Colleen was tasked by the Grey Order to spy on Charlie and me, she tried using a cat polymorph spell. But when you see a black cat acting very un-cat-like and stalking you, that’s a dead giveaway. So I set up a trap in the penthouse suite that we were renting at the time, and the rest is history.)

“What’s your favorite color?”

She smiled wryly at me, “that’s an easy one, green as always. Really love it, reminds me of spring.”

“Alright, next question, what’s your favorite food and drink?”

“Whatever beer they serve down at the pub that doesn’t make a hole in yer wallet. Fer food, well, let me think a bit. I think I loik Thor’s boar blood soup the most during the winter holidays. Really gets yer body goin’ ya kno? And that damn roast pig of his should be declared a national treasure, ye know if we had those.”

I smiled, Thor’s and Mirror’s Xmas cuisine is a staple tradition in our collective and I think we all look forward to whatever they serve every year. There was a quiet moment as I took another sip of the brandy and stared out of the window next to the fireplace. The only thing I saw absolute darkness outside. I shivered a bit and wrapped the blanket tighter as I heard the wind howling around the house.

I nodded towards her, “so, what do you do for fun then?”

She smiled, “well, visiting me real mum is always good, helpin’ her out with all the heavy stuff? And me garden’s always in need of somethin’, and then there’s me lad Mech. Bloody blockhead wouldn’t know how ta put on his pants if I wasn’t tellin’ him how!”

Her comment made me chuckle because it is true that while Mech has a mind that can spot a flaw in a logical pattern a mile away, he can get stumped on the most average things you’d assume everyone should know. But I pushed on, “how do you relax after a hard day’s work?”

She lifted her glass, “well this stuff helps, ” as she downed the rest of the glass, I followed suit and set down my glass next to hers. She added, “then there’s me garden as I said before, I never knew how relaxin’ that could be until you talked ta me about yer own place you and yer mom were havin’.”

(Editor’s note: An eternity ago, my parents and I had a small place in the countryside, nothing more than a shack really, no modern amenities or anything. But what it did have was a beautiful outdoor place covered by a classic tin roof. And of course, a fairly good-sized garden out back. I’ve spoken to my tulpas about the joy of gardening for many years, and when we redesigned [Castle Odylfius] I made sure to include a small garden in case anyone wanted to grow anything in there.)

I nodded, “so, what do you do for mental stimulation?”

She sighed, “oh I’d loik some LESS mental stimulation lad, there’s so much ta do. I’ve got the various damn chapters of every organization ta deal with on the island, and then there’s the spell-work, the seasonal things, ENDLESS bloody discussions on who gets ta do fookin wot and WHEN, and I somehow hafta decide that shite. Me! A bloody former novice! No Fairy, I’m tellin’ ya, if I could just have a good week pokin’ at the ground, I’d be relieved.”

I chuckled, “you knew precisely what you were signing up for when you volunteered to be the liaison between the Scottish version of the grey order and the old organization on the island. Miriam even warned you, and you didn’t listen. If you ask me, you did this to yourself.”

Colleen rolled her eyes, “yeh, guess I fookin’ did.”

(Editor’s note: Miriam was the former head of the grey order, she was an old cranky woman in her late 50s who had been ruling it fairly well. As the order has a lot of old mystics in it, it commands the respect of all the other minor organizations on the island. And yeah, there’s A LOT of them. But after Miriam was ousted in a coup, she abruptly left for Scotland where she proceeded to reconnect with old contacts, setting up a new grey order. Meanwhile, back at the island, the existing order, in a surprising fit of lucidity, ousted the people who had ousted Miriam and a new accord was set up. Colleen was named as the liaison between the two, and has worked in that capacity ever since.)

Dragging myself back to the present, I said, “let’s pivot over to something different: if you could wish for anything in the world, what would you want?”

“Can I have a minute on that? Bloody big thing ta ask.”

I nodded and we sat in silence for a long while. At this point, the fireplace was emitting enough heat that the blanket was starting to feel a bit too warm, so I unwrapped myself from it and leaned back, then closed my eyes, just feeling the moment.

A few moments later, Colleen shook her head, “sorry, but whoile I’d like buncha things ta happen, I can’t think of anythin’ I’d use it fer now. I’d probably keep somethin’ like that in reserve fer a big thing ya kno?”

“That makes sense, so, what’s your greatest fear?”

“Fer all of ya to end up in some bad situation, where I cannae do fok all.”

“And, if you think back, what’s your most clearly defined positive memory?”

She gave me a “you fucking kidding me?” look and said, “meetin’ Mech, second I laid eyes on that big oaf, I knew I had ta have ‘im, such a sweet, gentle man. And so fookin clueless at that!”

I nodded, “and your most negative memory?”

Her face darkened like the sun hiding behind a cloud, “well, damn… ” and here she took a deep breath and poured herself another glass of brandy which she sunk to the bottom immediately. “Roight, I never told ye the full story of this, but you know me, mum, vanished when I was a choild yeh?”

“Yes, I know you told us the short version of that a few years back.”

“Wot I didn’t tell ya woz that I was walkin’ through the city,yellin’ at the top of me lungs for me mum, an crying. A few hours of that, I’d lost my voice, then two coppers showed up and hauled me in as a stray.”

“Yeah, I know, it was-“

“I wasn’t finished lad, then they tried ta find me mum, and found our papers from when we got on the boat from Ireland. And since I wasn’t really an islander with these fancy bloody certificates, they were plannin’ on sending me back to Cork. Can ya believe that? Sitting in a damn cell, wondering where me mum woz, figuring somethin’ had happened to her, and then findin’ out I was getting bloody DEPORTED at that. So, when Miriam showed up in another errand, and askin’ about why they put a damn CHOILD in a damn fukken cell, they shrugged, like those bloody government types do. When she told them ta release me under her authority, they were too ‘fraid ta say anythin’ but ‘yes ma’am, certainly ma’am'”

All I could do in my silence was nod. I’d known that she’d had a terrible time when her mother disappeared without a trace, but to know that she’d gone through that made me feel a dull anger at authorities doing things like that. I could only think of our current world and how things are happening here. I guess we were sitting quietly for a long time because Colleen leaned into my view after a bit.

“Yer alright there big guy?” She said with a brave little smile.

I dried my eyes a bit, as I’d teared up. I nodded, “yeah, I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

“It’s foine now, besides, you helped me find me old mum, so I’ve got two mums now yea?”

I blew my nose a bit as I kept nodding. Having reunited her with her lost mother had been an ordeal unto itself, but at least now she’d gotten that part of her life back.

A moment, later, I’d recovered, so I pressed on, “what endears you to a person immediately?”

“No bloody idea, whoile I like people, I kinda don’t trust them directly ya kno?”

As I prepared the other question, she stopped me, “no scratch that, whatever Mech has, that quiet calmness, that’s what makes me loik a person.”

“So, what makes you avoid a person immediately?”

“If they’re shifty-like, ya kno? Avoidin’ questions, bein’ forceful, or just plain showin’ up everywhere they’re not supposed?”

“Yeah, I know the type. So, brainy question: what’s your take on your status of being a tulpa, and tulpamancy as a phenomenon?”

“Roight, so, when ye all told me about the real way this is all set up, I first thought ye were loonies ya kno? But then, when ya showed me all the other werlds and the castle, Circe’s beach, and such, I just realized, it’s all just beyond me. I know what yer doin’, but I couldn’t do that in a million years meself. “

“And tulpamancy?” I added.

“No clue, I’m still tryin’ ta figure out what the hell yer doin’ and how. The idea that others are doin’ the same is just incredible. What you have in here, ta imagine THAT happenin’ with others an all their werlds and people, can ye imagine how it’d be ta visit all of them?”

“I can imagine, I’ve visited other’s mindscapes over the years.”

“Well, I really haven’t, unless yer countin’ meetin’ Niky’s tulpas and such.”

“Remind me to take you along the next time we head over to someone else’s place.”

She smiled, “it’s a damn deal son!” And sipped her glass.

“Alright, so, adult questions, yay or nay?”

She waved her hand in a come hither motion, “let me have it!”

I grinned, “so, what REALLY pisses you off?”

“Where do I fekkin start? Taxes? Government officials who piss their pants? The knobheads in the grey order? Take yer pick, if yer actin’ high and mighty, I’ll hate ya.”

“What’s your sexual orientation?”

“Roight, Mech told me you’d ask this, so male or female yeh?”

I nodded.

“Then male it is, but after meetin’ you and Circe, let’s just say I’ve woidend me palate?”

I chuckled, then pushed on, “So, what’s your favorite sexual position/scenario?”

She gave me a lewd smile, “sittin’ on a man, feelin’ his muscles flexin’ under me, and his cock pulsatin’ inside, then leaning me hands against his chest and ridin’ the FOK out of him until he cums!”

I smiled at her, “alright, so next question: have you ever killed someone in the inner world?”

Colleen shook her head, “yer just jumblin’ around these questions, arentcha? Yeh, I’ve been in that situation, but I’d rather not loik ta talk about that, at least not now.”

I shrugged, “no worries, this is all voluntary.”

“Last question: When was the last time you got into a fight in the inner world?”

“Yer talkin punchin’ or just a spat with someone?” She replied back.

“Physical stuff, damn, everybody keeps asking me that.”

“Well, last toime… I think it was during our adventures in the Dracula werld. I honestly cannae remember that well. Been a whoile.”

“Can you remember any instance of combat that stands out that isn’t part of our adventures?”

“Does fighting at school count?” She said with a sheepish smile.

“Sure, anything.”

“There was this annoyin’ CUNT named Brienna, total fookin’ in love with her own damn shadow. Well, one toime at recess, she decided she was gonna put me in me place yeh? Well, I gave her a bloody nose and then she went to the teacher, tellin’ her I woz ta blame. Got the rest of the day in detention fer that. Damn well bloody worth it!”

I chuckled for a bit as I jotted down the last bit in my file, then I turned to her and lifted my glass which she’d somehow managed to refill during our interview. I nodded, “that my dear, ends your interview AND also ALL of the interviews. I now have a record of all of you to leave for history, cheers!”

As we both drank to this being finished, I can say that I’m somewhat relieved that this month of intense work is over. I knew this was going to be an absolutely huge project to finish, but here we are. So, to all of you who’ve read this over the last month, thank you so much for showing an interest in this. I know a lot of you have told me that I should start a Patreon, but I really don’t need that kind of performance anxiety in my life. I appreciate your suggestions though, and may I say that we all LOVE your questions or comments, so please, keep them coming! They’re the lifeblood that keeps us publishing things online.

I don’t know if I’ll be able to finish Jane’s book this year, but if and when it does get finished, all of you who want to support us can do so by buying it. And depending on the sales of that book, we might reconsider how to deal with monetization in the future.

Because between you all and me, let me whisper a secret in your ear: If I could do this shit 24/7, I damn well would!

As always, your scribe

Wondrous Fairy